I'm stuck in an abusive relationship. My partner is convinced that I’m cheating on him. He thinks I'm asking too much of him. He systematically breaks down my self-esteem. I want to get out of this relationship, but I can't. Life couldn't be more lonesome…
I often think that I’ve seen the worst part. Then it is quiet for a while. Sometimes even for weeks. And if I no longer expect it, thén my partner strikes again. Always just when I started to gain some confidence again.
Everything has to be done my partner's way. There’s only one way and that’s his way. I have to conform to his world view. He doesn’t understand that all people are different. Being flexible is one-way traffic.
My partner is watching everything that’s happening in my life. I don't have privacy. He must know everything, nothing is private. Not even my bank account. I have to justify every step I take. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to support me, wouldn’t he?!
My partner knows I have a disability. He keeps saying that he is willing to help me. I only have to say when and how. But when I do that, he suddenly comes up with extra rules and conditions. Doesn't he understand that he’s actually deteriorating my health?
I had to give up everything that was important to me. Music lessons and hobbies have stopped. Organic food is also not important to my partner. I only get new clothes when my old ones really worn out. I can do whatever I like to, as long as it costs nothing. But that leaves very little indeed…
I am forced to walk along like a little child. Treated as if my mental faculties are inadequate. But it is my partner who doesn’t understand!
Every time again I have to prove myself. Prove that I am really sick. Prove that I really can't do something. Prove that I really need more support. He looks at me empathically, but he doesn't quite understand it yet. Could I explain it one more time?
This relationship has been going on for a few years now. The stress of it regularly gets too much for me. Then it hits me, and I don't know what to do anymore. It burned me out.
If I could, I would get out of this relationship. But I depend on this relationship, because I have nowhere else to go. The hopelessness makes me desperate. This is not a dignified existence.
Who is my partner? My partner is Social Services. My partner is the Special Social Assistance Benefit. My partner is the Social Support Act (Wmo).